I’m only in the present
I only see the now
I’m looking toward the future
I can’t be hitting pound
Imagination growing
Or slowing, I’m not sure
Must take time to remember
Unlock my own shut doors
If I could pick a place
Reach into my memories
I'd go back to that house, by the beach, Long Island dreams
Fairytale calm, no pain, just fireflies
Impatiens in my palm, no shame, living life
And there I see I’m safe
A little girl, no worries
Sister and me wore matching dresses
Years gone in a flurry
Flying through the moments because I knew nothing else
‘fore ritual would take me over, ‘fore I couldn't help
But wake e-ver-y night, and pull five times on the door
Before I had to step in every tile on the floor
Before I had the urge to tear at my own skin
Before every single goddamn mirror drew me in
French toast, french roast, strawberry jam
The scent of butter melting in a frying pan
When my mother and my father were so in love with each other
When Pop Pop was around and was cooking every other
Wednesday night. The place fit us like a glove.
Picture perfect family. Picture perfect love.
If only I could go back then and help them keep on loving
If only I could go back then, and tell myself I’m lucky.
To cherish every taste, every smell every sound
To not move in a haste, to take in all that’s around
To take more mental snapshots of this internal paradise
So I could study later the epitomical paradigm
of balance, of happiness, of purity, of peace
was it the agates hanging on paneled walls, the yellow winter fleece?
That earthy smell, walk through the closet
bell on closet door.
Little glass menagerie hidden inside a drawer.
Before I knew who I was, before I was aware
of the questions, oh the questions! Before I even cared.
Secret garden of wonder.
Wonderland of dreams.
Wizards, witches, they were real
and I could be anything,
And I waited for my letter,
collected stones in my pockets.
The pebbles skipped and slowly sank...
